50 Jokes About Men Over 50
Happy Hour Becomes Nap Time
Are you a man in your 50s?
It’s a pivotal time. Much is written about female menopause, but there are scant resources to help men through their “change of life.”
Change creates anxiety. You need a strategy.
Try self-deprecating humor. Make the joke on you!
Why? It feels better for people to laugh with you instead of at you. Beat them to the punch. You might be losing your hair, but at least you hang on to some control and make it look like none of this bothers you.
As a man who has survived the golden decade of decay, I offer you 50 jokes for men over 50. Most of the jokes are original, some are shamelessly stolen, and none were written by AI, which doesn’t have a sense of humor - yet. Feel free to steal this material and claim it as your own, with no attribution, as my gift to you.
And always remember … your best is yet to come! Let’s get started.
You know you’re a man over 50 when …
1. The heat from the candles on your birthday cake creates an alternative energy source, warming your home as you do your part to fight climate change.
2. You’re home alone with your wife, you turn down the lights and thermostat to practice “romantic sustainability.”
3. An "all-nighter" means you didn’t wake up to use the bathroom.
4. 50 becomes your new 30, and gray hair is your new black.
5. You come to the sad realization that you have passed one of the most significant milestones on the highway to heaven.
6. You start to forget your mistakes.
7. You stop wasting time on selfies.
8. You are wiser than you were in your 40s and 30s. We won’t discuss those cloudy, wasted years of frivolity in your 20s.
9. Multi-tasking becomes more natural: You can laugh, cough, sneeze, pass gas and chew gum simultaneously while holding a TV remote in your left hand and your mobile phone in your right hand.
10. You begin to qualify for senior discounts at second-rate eating establishments. We won’t mention any names like Denny’s.
11. You no longer feel weird when someone calls you “sir.”
12. You don’t have to show your ID when buying beer.
13. You reminisce about the days when MTV made music videos.
14. When you start one of your stories, your children can finish it almost word-for-word after they stop rolling their eyes.
15. You can accept that the Cleveland Browns will never win a Super Bowl in your lifetime.
16. You hit your peak decade of earning when many men surpass $100,000 in annual income.
17. Your train of thought leaves the station without you.
18. Starting at age 50, the IRS allows you to make “catch-up contributions” to your 401(k) of up to $7,500 annually. You never catch up, but you feel better trying.
19. You are truly inspired that Ray Kroc opened his first McDonald’s franchise at age 52, creating millions of McJobs, including the one you might have after the next round of layoffs.
20. With retirement on the horizon, you stop griping about that expensive item on your paycheck called FICA.
21. You join tens of millions of Gen-Xers entering their “Golden Years.”
22. The “kids” finally grow up and leave the house, meaning PaPa Bird and Mama Bird can get snuggly in the “Empty Nest,” if you know what I mean. If you don’t, see No. 4.
23. If you live to be 100, it’s only “halftime” of your life. It’s an opportunity to retreat to the locker room to reassess your game plan. If you think you probably won’t live to the century mark, it’s wise to start that hurried, go-for-the-end-zone life strategy called “the two-minute drill.”
25. “Happy hour” becomes “nap time.”
26. You become known for your “Dad jokes,” like this: "Why was the computer cold? It left its Windows open!"
27. You can condescendingly call any man 25 or younger “son.”
28. Costco sells comfortable, affordable, wrinkle-free khakis with expandable waistlines.
29. Doctors used to order an uncomfortable and embarrassing procedure called a colonoscopy at age 50, but now you can mail in your poop in a cute, self-addressed talking box.
30. You can say “back in the day” when referring to any part of your childhood narrative.
31. You can afford (see No. 16) to play that pricy aggravation called golf. As an age-determined bonus, you can now hit your slicing drives from the “senior tees.” These tees, painted yellow or gold, are up to 50 yards in front of the blue and black tees where lean, cocky punks carrying their clubs hit booming 280-yard drives over your head. Isn’t golf fun?
32. Thanks to eBay and Etsy, you turn those wooden ducks you carved in the garage into a new revenue stream.
33. You’re old and wise enough to mentor young and foolish men.
34. You can hire a lawn service without feeling guilty.
35. You write that memoir, “My Life in Words,” destined to turn into a dusty family heirloom in the attic of one of your grandchildren, where no one will ever read it.
36. You can blame your insecurity on what your father’s generation called a “midlife crisis,” a nifty excuse to buy a red sports car.
37. You can stop wondering what you want to do when you grow up.
38. Crowds get smaller every year at your high school reunion.
40. You have accumulated many great ensembles to wear at those “ugly sweater” holiday parties.
41. You now qualify to join AARP. They will remind you, and remind you, and remind you.
42. Call it a “senior moment,” and you can get away with almost anything!
43. Your grandchildren start referring to you as “the G.O.A.T.”
44. You qualify for the Senior Olympics.
45. You get super excited about reducing hefty brokerage fees by shifting your investments to index funds.
46. You develop an obsession with online retirement calculators.
47. The only women who pay attention to what you have to say are Siri and Alexa.
48. You realize it makes more sense to drive under the speed limit in the far-right lane, avoiding the passing lanes used by those young people in such a hurry.
49. You finally get your head together as the rest of your body falls apart.
50. You have the time to write articles like this, deluding yourself into thinking you might be a rich and famous author one day.
thank you for the laugh. I enjoyed it very much.
LOVE IT... at 66...I've used "some" of these lines... but I'm always adding to my "routine" for the grandkids!